One of my bitch moments....

When we moved to Cali, we basically just packed up and moved. We slapped a for sale sign in the front yard our NY home, rented a Cali house on the internet packed our vehicles and drove.

The house we rented happened to be in a "gated community" and although that was new for us, it seemed a nice idea. Our kids would be safe and the traffic would be kept mostly to the people who lived here. Also, this appeared to be a kid friendly neighborhood as we are 5/10ths of a mile to the elementary school, 2/10ths of a mile to the middle school and 7/10ths of a mile to the high school.

We bought the following year in the same neighborhood (gated community) and proceeded to enjoy our new house and our Cali lifestyle. This was our first home where there is a “Homeowner Association”. An okay idea, either way it did not make a difference to me. The dues are not much, only $85/month. I personally don’t think they do much other than plant new flower varieties each season but hey, it was our choice to buy here knowing of the Association.

When we put in our request to have a pool installed, they (the Association) said we would hear something back in 30 days at the latest. Well, 30 days came and went with no word so the pool was installed. (You know, no news is good news theory). After another 30 days, we sent in our application for solar panels for our “new pool”. That was approved right away, I guess they are still waiting to let us know if we are approved for a pool (duh).

Other than that, we have very little contact with the Association but we did recently receive a questionnaire for the Ivey Glenn Homeowners to fill out. Here are their questions.

• 1. Should skateboarding be forbidden in our community both on sidewalks and streets?
• 2. Should dogs and other pets be kept out of our community park (aggressive pets, droppings, etc.)?
• 3. Should children be forbidden from playing in the street?
• 4. Should residents be forbidden from parking their personal vehicles on the street; mandate that residents park in their garages or driveways
• 5. Any other items or concerns you have.

Then the Association proceed to state that “Your names and responses will not be shared with anyone other than the Board and Management Company Representative.

Oh, I’m sharing- I’m sharing to everyone that will listen…..

Fuck you ....

P.S. My response will be in your mailbox within in the next 30 days at the latest.

A Thankful Day...

Sunday was a pretty intense day; my friends Stacey and Lisa had invited me to go down to the San Diego 3-Day Breast Cancer walk. As a breast cancer participant, I’ve done a few walks with my friend, Wacko Jude, in Rochester, NY, but never the "3 Day". If you are not familiar with the "3-Day," Susan B Komen sponsors a walk.... not a stroll, but a 60-mile, 3-day walk. Its not a walk in the park; its a huge commitment, and I believe each walker has to raise a minimum of $2000.00 to be able to walk and participate.

After our arrival, we set up “shop” and waited for the walkers. We had left Oceanside at 7:30, so we were a bit ahead of the pack.

While waiting, I noticed a young bald woman standing with her husband and two small adorable boys. I’d like to say that she did not stand out, but she did. She was young, beautiful and bald - she was me 6 years ago. I walked over to her and told her that I had the same “haircut” 6 years ago and not to worry, as it grows back. I gave her a high five and congratulated her on her future success, and then I proceeded back to our “group.” When I got back to our girls, my friend Stacey said “Kandee, you made her cry.” I said, "Stacey, I did not make her cry; cancer did." Cancer sucks, anyway you stack it, slice it, or present it……...it sucks.

For 95% of the time we were there, cheering on walkers, I was so happy; the experience made me smile and feel so grateful that I was alive. I thanked the walkers, and they thanked us for supporting them.

There were numerous signs, slogans and t-shirts that were so uplifting. Some of my favorites were:

“Fight like a girl”
Surf City Titties”
"Barb’s Bonkers have gone bye – bye”
“Save 2nd Base”
"Teachers for Ta – Ta’s"
"I hope you dance…."
One College Boy had a sign stating – "Show me your boobies – we are all here for one thing!" (a hopeful lad, I thought.)
Stacey’s young daughter had a sign stating “Find a cure before I grow boobies”.
One of my favorites was a shirt stating, “Of course they are fake! My real one’s tried to kill me.”
There were many “in honor” shirts, but sadly, there were also many “in memory shirts.”

I’ve never walked the 3-day, but the ladies who were with me had previously done so. They pointed out the “official badges” and the official signs. Some walkers were able to carry signs stating:

"Hope "
"Faith "
"Love "
"Power "
"For my Mother"
"For my Father"
"For my Daughters"

"For Me"

One sign in particular, “For my Sister,” factored into my 95% happy time. When I saw that sign, I lost my composure and tears started to flow. Stacey asked if I wanted to get my picture taken with the flag bearer. I declined, because even though it was over 10 years ago that I lost my sister Kelley to Breast Cancer; it suddenly felt like it was yesterday.

Before we had left to go root on the walkers, I dragged an old shirt that I had from one of the walks I had done in Rochester, NY. On the back of the shirt, it says, “Survivor” in big, bold letters. Walking through the crowd, Stacey felt compelled to point me out and yell – “Survivor here – She’s a Survivor!” I actually was a bit embarrassed, as I felt “unworthy” of the term, Survivor. I feel that I did whatever I could do to get through, and luckily, I was able to squeak by. There are many more woman who deserve the title more than I; I consider myself lucky.

I am the luckiest person in the world!

Take cover... Its an EARTHQUAKE!!!

Before we moved to Cali, I was discussing the possibility of a move with a friend of mine who lives here in Oceanside. I think I was expressing my fear of an earthquake and that that alone may hold me back in my desire to move.

My girlfriend said to me "You New Yorkers are an odd sort, you worry about getting a snow or ice storm. You scurry all around gathering supplies to hunker down for a week or so. Run to the store, get 12 gallons of milk, 8 loaves of bread, enough batteries to power a space shuttle and then after all that, there are times that little or no snow emerges". She proceeded to say that "We Californians just scream EARTHQUAKE and by the time we begin to breath again, the quake is over and then we go about our day".

The "friend" and I are no longer close but I must say the bitch was right. This summer I experienced a very small earthquake. I actually thought it was a big truck going down the road rattling the windows. By the time I yelled "Earthquake", the earthquake had passed.

I've just learned that tomorrow at 10:00AM California time, San Diego County is to take place in a mock earthquake drill. See, I knew those rice cakes would come in handy.

LOS ANGELES – California will star in a mock earthquake disaster drill Thursday – considered the largest in U.S. history – with some 5 million people pledging to do everything from ducking for cover to rescuing faux victims.

400,000 in S.D. County to take part in quake drill

The exercise centers on a hypothetical magnitude-7.8 earthquake that unzips the southern San Andreas Fault – an event that scientists call the feared “Big One.” Such a quake would cause 1,800 deaths and $200 billion in damage, researchers estimate.
Previous simulated quake catastrophes put on by the state were smaller in scale with the leading actors mainly first responders and cities testing their emergency preparedness. Thursday's drill is more of an ensemble cast with governments, schools, hospitals, churches, businesses and residents promising to do their part.

25

I'm a lousy blogger, maybe I'm a lazy blogger. Anyway you add or multiply, its only 25. Over the course of almost a year, an entire year - 25 - 25 no good posts.
I'm just not a giver, I try to fit it all in, you know - work, 3 kids, facebook, myspace, grocery shopping cleaning toilets etc. but my blogging seems to be the one that suffers. I even bought the blue cleaner for my toilets thinking that would allow me more time, more time to do the fun stuff. Stupid cleaner, wears off sooner than I would hope and not it just looks like rancid urine in the shade of green. So what do I give up?
My first choice is work.... I've actually mentioned that I find it to be overrated anyways. Kids, well in as much as I threaten, I can't give them up and maintain a life outside of the legal system. Grocery shopping? Well I actually enjoy that, I'm a coupon freak and its more the thrill of the hunt. Take today for example; Ralphs had the Quaker Rice Cakes on sale for $.50 each. Yeah, thats right $.50 cents! So, over the last week, I have bought almost 30 bags... why? Why knows, but if we have an earthquake, I can choke down those damn ricecakes for a few days until Barack gets us back on track. It gives me great pleasure to have the cashier at Ralphs inform me that I have saved $75.23 today leaving with a debit amount of $18.27.
Still I ponder what to give up so I can contribute more than 25 posts per year.. Exercise? Well that would work IF I did EXERCISE. Cigarettes? - yeah I don’t smoke…… Crack? - have to actually do crack before I give it up.
Maybe if I manage my time better I won't have to give up anything, maybe if my ADD doesn't kick in so often I can do it all.
Yeah right, who am I kidding. Maybe I can pay someone???? HINT… Hint.

Cake Walk, Cat Walk

Monday morning, I went to work, and my boss called me in. I figured I f&cked up, was going to get my butt spanked for something, but that was not the case. She handed me an envelope containing a salon gift card and said "This is for you." Carefully, I opened the envelope, just in case it was loaded with arsenic and looked at her, quite puzzled. She had given me a $200.00 gift certificate to get my hair done.

See, I'm the cheapest person around. I mean, I will spend a million dollars on other people, but with myself, I'm cheap - I almost feel "unworthy."

On Tuesday, I entered the local TV station's contest to win a $50.00 gas card. Thursday, I get a call on my cell from an unknown person, who proceeds to tell me I won the contest, and my gas card would be arriving in the mail.

Yesterday, I went to help my friend, Debi, out. She had volunteered to run the Harvest Carnival at her daughter's elementary school. Even though Carly was way too, very, very busy on VMK, she and I decided we would go just to show our support, even though it was a rival elementary school. When we arrived, it was clear that Debi needed no help, as there were over 250 people there! I thought this would be a good time for Carly and I to "bond." Carly's plan was to - quick ditch Mom and go hang out with her friends.

There I stood, knowing pretty much no one, so I prepared to take one for the friendship team.
I stood around a bit, looked at crafts, and bought some tickets for a root beer float (yum). Then, even though I wanted to slit my wrists, because for the 5th time, I heard "Monster Mash," I decided it was up to me; I could sit there watching everyone in the world pass me by, or I could amuse myself. Looking around, I planned my strategy. One game unknown to me was the "Cake Walk." Interesting, I thought, but what’s the deal?

In NY, we have different ideas of amusement but one I had never participated in was a "Cake Walk." I'm not sure if its a "West Coast" thing or what, but never have I walked the cake walk, cat walk, or even the Boardwalk. I quickly found out the rules are simple; pay 2 tickets $.50/each and walk inside a circle with 20 chairs with other willing participants. When the music stops, sit down and then they call your chair number out of a bucket. This is my kind of game; I suck at jeopardy, my ADD kicks in for Monopoly. I could handle walking in a circle. Music starts, walk ----- Music stops, sit. Easy enough. Needless to say, I won... I was granted a "golden" ticket and I was able to pick out any cake I wanted to from the gallery.. Sweet (no pun intended). Of course, I picked the biggest cake available; it was a pumpkin/cream cheese coffee cake, at least 8" tall!

My next thought was.. that was to easy... I have to try again..
Back to the Cake Walk and yup, I won again.
Figuring that my hips did not need two cakes strapped to my ass, I gave one away.. It's all about the thrill of the hunt.

Not a bad week, not a bad week.

Our House...is a very, very, very fine house....

The house here in Cali is much different than our NY homes. This house is more contemporary and the NY houses were older, more "country-ish". Yeah, I know "country-ish" is not a real word. But for lack of a better term, "country-ish" it is.
Much of my NY decor doesn't fit in the CA house. We are close to the ocean here (about 6 miles) and now we have our pool where in NY, we had a lake. In NY, we had oak & maple trees, here in Cali, we have Palm Trees and Boughanvilla shrubs. I'm just commenting, that things are different. People in Cali - well, thats another post..
The other day, we (my husband) finished a project in the house, I was happy and most greatful that the finished products was better than I had anticipated. I said to Chuck that we had a nice house to which he replied, yes - a very, very, very fine house. So, since I'm an "cat person" I threw out the bait - with two cats in the yard? He looked at me and said, um - NO.
See, I've always wanted an additional cat. I will be that old lady who has 5 cats and lives all alone. There is hope for me though, I always mumble under my breath (just low enough so Chuck CAN hear it) - "thats ok, my next husband will let me have more than one cat".

Now this post would be pretty cool if I could post the song and have it play while you are reading but I've had to many margarita's to remember who the actual artist is. Do you?

Its Fire Season

Roar... This is a picture out my house this afternoon when there were just smoke clouds.

Tonight the fire has grown. They say over 1000 acres has burnt already. Camp Pendelton is about 8 miles away, we could only get pictures of one of the fires, I think there are 4 at last count.

Good thing our pool is done, we can jump in if we have to!

Do you have a favorite in-law?

After reading a post http://mkatyc.blogspot.com/2008/08/confused.html recently about a woman who is separated from her husband and was contemplating the notion that she may not being able to retain a relationship with her in-laws, I started thinking. What would I do? Could I possibly sever the relationships that I have with my in-laws? Chuck and I have been married for over 20 years so I almost feel like I have grown up with his family, it would definitely be difficult.

I, of course, would miss all of them tremendously but to be honest, I think I might miss the company of my sister-in-law's husband Fast Eddie the most.


"Fast" is almost an oxymoron as he is not "Fast" at all. Ed doesn't ever hurry and rarely gets excited or upset. He works at a slow and steady pace with everything from grandchildren to golf. He is always calm and patient, he never allows things to bother him. Fast Eddie always takes the time to make each person feel special. Other than family funerals, I don't think in 20+ years, I can recall ever seeing him upset or shaken. Ed is generally up for anything and would go out of his way for anyone. He even offered to drive to NYC to pick up tickets for the Yankee's game. Considering that he lives over 6 hours away that is a pretty nice offer. I did not take Ed up on his offer because I actually wasn't sure how many days it would take Fast Eddie. A little history, Ed actually applied to go on the Amazing Race reality show. The only glitch was Ed was to slow to turn in his application.


Fast Eddie has always welcomed me with a kiss and a hug even before we moved 3,047 miles away. That may not sound like such a big deal to some people, I actually know quite a few Cali people who scream with excitement each and every time they see one another – it drives me insane. I know, some people are just “huggier” than others. The other in-law members are not big on hugs or kisses, they don't often say the words “I love you" to one another. Not that they don't love each other, they do, it’s just not a phrase that is spoken often. Growing up, my family always said “I love you”. Coming or going, it was said numerous times each day. Of course my family would also be the first one to tell you to f*ck off and then ask to borrow your shirt.


I'm not sure if it is because Ed and I married into the family that we get along so well, but it is one of my theories. Maybe that is why we've bonded over the years. I have other in-laws that like I married into the family but I'm not as particularly close to them. We all have our issues but let’s just say that some of "those" in-laws are pretty quirky (totally another post). – disclaimer – I’m sure they would say the same about me.


Another reason why Fast Eddie could possibly be my favorite is because he always let me be his First Mate on his boat. Although I never get to wear his Captain's hat, I know that he has all the faith in me that I can throw out the ski ropes and alert the Captain if one of the skiers has taken a face plant in the water Ed has never once questioned my ability as his First Mate. Maybe Fast Eddie holds a higher place in my heart than others is because after a rough day of boating, Fast Eddie always asks if he can buy the first round.

Webster NY - The Ryans

When we went to NY in August, our first stop was to visit our old neighbors, Joe & Carol Ryan. They were very good neighbors to us after our third year on DeWitt Road. I'm not saying the first two years were bad, they were not around much as they had a cottage to tend to and to be honest, my kids were young and loud. I can't say I blame them for not coming over to my side of the fence that often as sometimes, I too was afraid of my kids.
Joe & Carol have two sons that are almost my age (early 40's) who don't really have many goals in life. Sometimes, they still "live at home". Joe & Carol had to utilize the "tough love" procedures in parenting and I think they just got to point in their lives where it was just easier to throw up their hands and say fuck it.
After a while, the Ryans managed to let their guard down and come on my side of the fence, we began to enjoyed each other's company. When I was sick, the Ryans came over with food and we get my kids off the bus if Chuck and I were not there due to doctor appointments. They always wanted to help us often asking if there was anything they could do for us. Mrs. Ryan listened to me whine and cry, mope and laugh during our tea time. I think that my kids ended up being surrogate grandchildren to Joe & Carol as their sons definitely were not in a position to give them any and it would not have been a wise decision on their part. Joe & Carol have a very big extended family as I think Joe was one in 8 kids born to an Irish Family. Joe & Carol love St. Patrick's Day, Ireland and celebrate anything that might be considered Irish. They are good Irish people.
Mrs. Ryan and I started having tea after a few years; having 3 young kids did not give me much of a chance to escape to far. If I could not be found on our lot, the first place the kids checked was Mrs. Ryans house. For the most part, the kids were good in her house but there was always something to check out as she collected Boyds Bears and would set up a Bear Tea party using her stuffed Boyds. She had different outfits for the seasons or holidays and Carly especially found these tea times very interesting. I admit, I did too.
When we visited in August, I strolled over and looked at my old house. The gardens I sweated over and spent numerous therapy sessions in were all gone. The new owners bought a riding mower and had mowed it all down. Every Black-eyed-susan, poker plant, dianthus, hosta, coral-bells, everything. I know, it’s their house now, not mine - I should not say a thing. Starting to feel sad, I managed to see two Rose of Sharon tree survivors. So I snagged them. Stole them and flew them home to CA where I put them in a vase right away. Today, I looked at the vase and saw roots galore indicating they were thriving. I think they were happy to be here in California so I've planted them. I guess I've brought another bit of my old home into my new home. Next year, I will see what else I can steal from the ungrateful occupants of 858 Dewitt Road.

Cancer Sucks, Slashes & Burns

Three years ago, we moved from New York to California. Our decision to do this was primarily based on the fact that my husband and I were very tired of NY winters. We lived in NY all of our lives and once we were in our 40's, we decided to move.

In addition to the winters, we (my family and I) had all just survived a journey through Breast Cancer World. I say "we," because it wasn't just me that had to deal with this beast; our whole family had to defeat this wicked disease. We made a decision to put the house on the market, load the family van up with our prized possessions, put the rest of our goods on a moving van, and drive; drive 3,014 mile cross country with the 100-lb black lab, our cat Mallory, the lizard, and three kids to a home we only saw via the Internet. Crazy, or just plain insane?

Rewind this story five years, to August, 2002. My father had just died at age 67 from a stroke. My mom spent three years taking care of him, only to not take care of herself. She often said that everyone always asked how "Dad" was doing. No one ever asked her how "she" was doing." To be honest; it wrecked her, and to her, it seemed no one cared.

After Dad died, I went back to my house and tried to get back into my world. I had a mammogram scheduled in October and I just had a "feeling." This "feeling" could have been contributed by the fact that in my immediate family (my Mom's sister, my Dad's sisters - Cindy and Cathy, my cousin Courtney (Cindy's daughter) and my sister Kelley) all had had breast cancer. I was to be number "6." I was considered a "late bloomer" in reference to the age I was at the time I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, afterall I was 39. My sister was 36, my two Aunts were in their 20's and my cousin Courtney was 29. After my mammogram, the radiologist had me come into a separate room, where he tried to tell me his thoughts. Before he could speak I told him that I knew what he was about to say - that I had cancer. I told him it was ok, as I was expecting to get it at some point.

I told my husband (on our 15th wedding anniversary) and our kids. I tried to put on the brave face. People gave advice, telling me that a good attitude was the best thing and that I would definitely survive if I had a great attitude. I wanted to ask them if I felt like having a shitty attitude, would I die much quicker, and get it over with? One lady who found out through the grapevine that I had cancer asked me if I would die soon. Although I wanted to beat her with a stick, I nicely responded with "I hope not" - (rule #1, great attitude).

Telling my mom was a bit harder as she had already lost one daughter from cancer and just buried her husband 3 weeks before. I'm pretty sure that my mom made a deal with a higher power, trading her life for mine, as she died two months later. I decided to have a double (thank you bartender; I'll have a double) mastectomy and no reconstruction. My sister had reconstruction immediately after her mastectomy, and there ended up being a 2nd tumor behind the implant, which was not detected. I felt like a little boy with no breasts and no hair anywhere on my body. I felt between losing my dad, my mom, and myself all within 19 weeks - I had reached the lowest possible point in my life. I did speak to God one night and I told him how much I appreciated the fact that he had so much faith in me but, I was ok with him moving on and testing someone else for a while.

One night, sitting on the couch, feeling nothing my self pity, I started to cry. Chuck looked at me and asked why I was crying, to which I responded - "I miss my Mom." Chuck would not allow me any pity; he knew I would have to be pushed at some point. Chuck looked at me and said "Well, there are 3 kids in this house that miss their mom, too." Talk about a kick in the chest, but it was what I needed, as I was starting to wonder "what if?" The day before this, I had allowed the "what if's" to almost get me; I went to the store and purchased birthday cards for all of my children until they would turn 18. I signed them all as if I would not be alive to give them the cards in person. I definitely needed a wake up call, which Chuck (thankfully) provided. My good friend Kit also gave me a get going smack. She said to me "Kandee, you've always known you were going to get the cancer, now you've got it, deal with it and get on with your life" - (my friends definately hold me accountable). OUCH!!

Before the start of my chemo, the oncology nurse had to come in and take some blood from me. She got down on her knees and prepared my food for the needle; I looked at her and said, "So, Dr. Yirinik, is he any good?" - His nurse responded with "Yes, I would trust him with my life." To that I replied - "I am."



I remember one time we went to Niagara Falls for a well-deserved get-away with the kids. I put on my wig (which resembled a dead cat) and strapped on my fake boobs. We went to a nice restaurant overlooking the falls for a nice dinner. I felt like the everyone in the restaurant knew that I was bald and sporting a set of falsies. I felt humiliated and never again wore that cat on my head.

After eight rounds of chemotherapy and six weeks of daily radiation, I was done. I often refer to the ending of my treatment as my "rebirth," as it took nine months to transform from the old person I would no longer ever be. The final week of radiation occurred near July 4th. I remember sitting on a bridge in Rochester, watching the fireworks explode. In my mind, I related the fireworks exploding to the radiation exploding my cancer. With every exploding light and flicker of a firework was an exploding demolition of anotherone of my cancer cells.

The following year, we took a much-needed family vacation and went to California. We flew into LAX and began driving south. The purple icicle plant was in full bloom as we drove on the freeways; it was beautiful. I said to Chuck, "Why is it we live where we do?" as back in Rochester, there was snow, mud and slush for another 6 weeks. That was when the seed was planted to contemplate a move West.

Chuck was ready, as he had been a carpenter and had to work in the Northeast weather. NY can be cold in the winter; negative 10-below is no stranger to our parts. Nick, who would be a Junior in High School, said "Why not?" Rachael would be a freshman and said the same. I was a bit hesitant, as I felt safe where I was. I had great friends who would/did do anything for me; I had a great medical team who saved my life. I was scared to jinx myself by leaving. You know the old saying... You don't know what you've got til it’s gone." I was afraid to willingly just give all that up.

But we did.. We decided to move and drive....

For the record, I still give the kids the birthday cards I bought for them 6 years ago. But I'm much happier to be able to do it in person. And cancer? Well cancer isn't so bad....